“Let’s get it straight, girl, you don’t need a nigga for nothin'” – Pardison Fontaine
Being hurt sucks.
It’s painful, it’s all consuming, and it can have a big impact on your sense of self-worth. Whatever the context, if you feel let down or rejected on some level, it can throw you off track and take you from thriving to nose-diving.
When you’re hurting, there’s a part of you that can’t help but want to indulge that pain. Play the character you’ve seen in so many films by spending time crying alone, listening sessions to power ballads and eating ice-cream direct from the tub. It’s a way women have been encouraged to respond post break-up to express all those emotions.
There’s the self-confidence plummet to deal with and then the total sense of responsibility. The belief that somehow you’ve f*cked up and deserve to experience this pain. What could I have done differently? Is it because I’m not impressive/skinny/smart/funny enough..?!
I ask those questions. Every girl I know asks those questions. Fear not guys, you don’t need to tell us, we already think everything is our fault. It makes it pretty hard to move on though doesn’t it? When you’re caught up in a cycle of regret and disliking yourself. Something which sometimes feels like one of the cruel biological realities of fancying ‘the wrong’ people.
And its OK. I get it, you want to feel and release the emotions. But there comes a time where the pain and anxiety might be ruining your day/week/month… and you know what? Life is too short!!! WAY TOO SHORT. As in, you just lost a bit more of it reading this (sorry). So might I suggest an alternative strategy? Hip-Hop.
The very essence of hip-hop is about overcoming circumstances which are against you. Proving people wrong and coming out stronger.
How do you feel after a breakup? Generally beat up with low self-esteem, right? Well who, I ask, has more confidence than rappers? All they talk about is how great and rich they are?! Seriously overweight? Worn like a badge of honour (Biggy Smalls, Fat Joe). Awkwardly short? Shout about it. (Lil Wayne, Lil Kim, Lil Jon) Perhaps the reason there are way more successful male rappers than female is because women can be so bad at playing cocky.
Right now I’m going to suggest your confidence needs a bit of a boost and so, rather than seeking solace in Bridget Jones, load up iTunes and spend a bit of time with the below. I challenge you not to feel at least a bit better.
Hopefully you’ll be back to winning in no time!
The Weeknd – Reminder
“Every time you try to forget who I am, I’ll be right there to remind you again…”
Nicki Minaj – Rich Sex
“I like money more than dick n*gga thats a fact”.
Pardison Fontaine – Backin it Up ft. Cardi B
“And you a boss, so you hate when niggas waste time (ayy)
You too pretty to be paused on the FaceTime (ayy)”
Drake – Nice For What
“Had a man last year, life goes on”
Beyonce – Sorry
“Stop interrupting my grinding, I ain’t thinking ’bout you”
Oochie Wally Freestyle – Stefflon Don
“Must be the money cos it ain’t your dick”
No Limit (Remix) – G-Eazy ft. A$AP Rocky, Cardi B,
“Fuck up another VIP or something, I’ve been killing ’em”
Hip-hop fan? Check out my mixes here.
Lexy is a writer, DJ and marketing professional living in London. She is a gemini and a feminist who loves coffee and leather trousers.